


I have so much left (to say to you)

by MoonflowerInYellowCup



Category: The Haunting of Bly Manor (TV)
Genre: F/F, I Made Myself Cry, I'm Sorry, kinda angst?, lonely Jamie, no beta reader we cry like heroes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-25
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-15 16:14:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29686560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoonflowerInYellowCup/pseuds/MoonflowerInYellowCup
Summary: Just a one-shot of Jamie missing Dani
Relationships: Dani Clayton & Jamie, Dani Clayton/Jamie
Comments: 9
Kudos: 20





	I have so much left (to say to you)

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry I wrote this at 2am after crying for 2 hours watching Dani and Jamie videos.  
> It's my first fic in english and my first fic in general, so be easy on me

I have so many things left to tell you, so many things stuck in my mind that I can never say out loud, because there is no one here to hear me, you are no longer here to hear them, to hold my hand while I pretend not to get emotional, while I pretend I am strong for and because of you, because you need it, because you need me and because, deep down, I also need to fool myself into believing that we really do have many more years left together.

I keep writing notes to you every morning, I keep leaving them on my now cold side of the bed, right next to your head for you to find when you wake up, but you're no longer here to read them, you're no longer here to write one back and hide it somewhere, but I keep writing them, and leaving them on the bed, waiting, for someone to find them in the morning, and I can't stop waiting, waiting for you to come back, waiting to hear your voice again, deep and hoarse in the mornings but still sweet and loving, even when I wake you unintentionally with a kiss, I keep writing them, and now the bed is full of unread notes, for years, and years, they were there, they'll be there, until you come back, I know you'll come back one day.

I wish the time was more opportune for you and me.

And in the blink of an eye.... You were gone... and with you everything that kept me going. Every moment, every word, every caress, every half smile, every kiss... fade away with your last moments here, I should have hugged you tighter, I should have kissed you more, I should have loved you harder, I should have felt stronger for both of us, and maybe then you could have stayed, I could have made you stay... maybe I wouldn't be so lost, so lonely, so... empty.... because that's what I am without you, nothing, a soul holding on to the memory of our moments, the memory of your laughter and the memory of your love, that's the only thing that keeps me sane, these nights, writing for you, for blind eyes that can't read a single word, but I still feel you here, I still hear the ghost of your voice at night, I still feel the soft touch of your hands, fuck, even some days I still taste the taste of your lips.

It hurts, that our last goodbye hasn't been said.

It hurts every day the absence of someone who was once here, my body literally aches with the memory that you're not there to hold me, some days just waking up and not seeing you causes me an indescribable pain that makes it impossible for me to move. But I keep leaving the door open while I sleep, the only time I feel at peace again, is in my sleep, when I can see you again, when I can immerse myself in an ethereal and ephemeral memory in which for a short space of time I am completely happy, maybe my dreams, our memories, are the only thing that keeps me in this world, I never thought I could be strong enough to bear this burden of living without you, but I know it's what you would want, if not... you would have taken me with you.

I don't know how much time I have left, I don't know how many letters I have left, how many nights looking for you in the mirror, in a reflection, leaving the door open waiting to hear the crack of your footsteps, I don't know how long waiting "one day at a time" until I see you again... until my last day alone, becomes eternity, an eternity that I want to spend with you.

I keep waiting Dani, waking up, writing, remembering and sleeping, until the day I can tell you all this in your eyes. 

Because I have so much to tell you that the bed would be too small for all the notes I would need.


End file.
